(Male chauvinism is a term used to describe the belief that men are superior to woman.)
Many years ago I worked at a decorating store part time. I was employed to advise on wallpaper, decoration and paint supplies. I knew my stuff and was one of the top sales people.
However there were the old school men who would come into the store and have to talk to a man (because the little woman wouldnt know about paint!)
I recall one such day an old guy from the lead paint era came into the store and sought some advice on paint preparation. I walked up to him and asked him if I was able to assist him. He looked at me with an "As if! You're a woman!" kind of expression and asked me if i could get one of the "Men" to assist him with his queries. I walked up to the nearest available man and asked him if he could assist the old guy. (Obviously I was fuming - I was one of the most experienced in store and I was affronted that being a female ment I was somehow less capable). This male staff member went to the old guy and asked him how he could help. The customer asked him a load of questions and the male staff member said, "I'm not sure about that, let me go and ask Katrina"
Obviously I am a female, I consider myself a very capable one at that. If I set my mind to something I can achieve it or learn it or do it. I dont need to ask for help to change a tire or jump start the car. Yea sometimes it would make life really easy if i was better able to play the helpless female that needs rescuing by the big strong man. It might even make the man in my life feel more "Needed" but alas its not in my makeup.
So having said all that it REALLY REALLY PISSES ME OFF when people assume that my partner is the GM... if not in name then in practice.
When people who KNOW I am the GM go to my partner to ask him if the guild would like to do this or that or the other, go to him to discuss how the loot system should work or the raid calendar or any other number of things.
Part of the reason for leaving my previous guild was that my partner and I had levelled the hunter together and shared the toon up until his priest hit 80. Initially all raids were done by him and eventually when I had the courage to have a go I started doing them too. But people were always comparing Catreann ( Played by Mr.) with the Hunter freak from previous posts. It was hard to live in that shadow. It made me feel I had no identity and worse no value. .....So I left guild to find my own identity, my own value. Yes I know he is a better hunter than I will ever be but I am not completely useless.
I use to have a little giggle at peoples reaction when they discovered that the Gm was a woman. I know that I am one of a very small number. In fact I dont actually know of any other female Gm's on this server, perhaps if i did have others to sound things off it would make it easier. But it is very much a Boys club. Yes I am friendly with several of them. But even some of them have a way of making you feel like youre being patted on the head like a good little beer fetcher.
I guess I am not really enjoying it much at the moment as I feel that I no longer have a place in my own community and if people feel that it needs to be a Man in the hotseat maybe I should step down and put a man in the hotseat.
Perhaps its just that I spend so much time planning and organising things to help make the guild work as a collective that I have put myself on the outside...
And to my partner - this is not a dig at you. But as you said to me once - its your blog to talk about what you think/feel - sod those who dont like it!
Its true what you say - but its not my fault. I dont do anything to court others to think of me as the GM. In fact you know full well that I would rather ride shotgun on a raid rather than being the leader.
ReplyDeleteA lot of guilds are run by GMs who dont raid lead. They do the more important stuff like running the guild, organising the cats that reside within. Ascended is one such guild. MTRs is another.
Never underestimate your role cat - you are not only the oil in the machine - but several of the largest cogs as well. The senior members of the guild hate not raiding with you - and wish you would be at all the runs. But you choose not to - which is a great loss to us all - yourself included
Although my partner is not GM (impossible since I'm single!) I do know a little bit what this might feel like since my sister used to GM back in the Burning Crusade.
ReplyDeleteI was well aware of the amount of effort she put in to make things run... well... smoothly. I think it's a sign of a job well done when people don't really think you're doing anything at all.
However, a heck of a lot of guild members would still come to me and argue about the DKP system or ask me what the status of such and such application was, or heck, just what bosses we were planning to raid tomorrow night.
I don't think they came to me in order to go over my sister's head, or because they saw her as some kind of figurehead, instead I think they came to me because they didn't want to make Lath's job as GM more difficult that it already was. I also think that players are more likely to complain to their colleagues/team leader than to their boss.
So perhaps it's not intended as a slap in the face when guilds approach your partner instead of you.
ps. I think it's important that you get your own identity and feel like you have total control of your character, in fact, it should feel like an extension of you and only you. Name change?
My hubby and I do a lot of the day to day running of the guild. We're happy to leave the big decisions to the GM [but he's also currently offline]. When my husband runs raids, I get a lot of people coming to me with questions and concerns. They know he's busy conducting the raid and that I can easily pass along anything he needs to know or allay their concerns if he doesn't need to bother with it [though he usually hears about it at some point lol]
ReplyDeleteI run Aurora's Promise with my Partner, she has the offical GM tag but its more of a job share as i'm online much more often than her. She will however sort out all the big discisions with the other officers and i tend to do the day to day stuff, and answer all the queries, complaints etc.
ReplyDeleteI works the way it does because My partner used to log on and with in 5 mins have 20 people whispering her and she could never get anything done, so that really my job now, i call it my flak cannon role.
I also assume control when she is away for spells when our baby is in hospital.
It doesn't seem to bother her that people come to me and discuss players or events etc, in fact i think she prefers to act as the final decision maker on stuff rather than a general do everything.(Like a chairman of a big company)
Not sure any of this helps, but i'm sure Beevok has you're best interests at heart and wouldn't want to cause any upset.
Cat, I will put up my hand up and say that I'm one of those that is disappointed when you step out of a raid. I know that what you do behind the scenes is a big task and agree with Cassandri's comment about not wanting to bother you with trivial stuff. And I am guilty of asking Ari or Sard things when I could wait and ask you, but I do so in the knowledge that Ari or Sard are at the computer and you are maybe handy in the background, doing the things that you do, with them saying "Mum\(Whatever lovie dovey name Sard calls you) Mud wants to know..."
ReplyDeleteI know that hearing and putting up with ignorant people can be frustrating, but,
Catreann you are "More Than Raids"..... and don't you forget it !!!
I think a lot of people are already pretty much saying it, but basically don't take it personal. A lot of times the guild members do seem to just assume that the GM is too busy to answer all the questions - and really that's probably true. It's what the Officer team is there for I think.
ReplyDeleteI myself am an Officer (and female) and our GM is a man. Some people of course go straight to him - but I also get a lot of people talking to me. I can only assume it's because I'm usually quicker to reply since he's often busy with other things. Like you he does raid lead as well as run the guild - and it's something I think can be a bit too much for pretty much anyone.