/GQuits

/GQuits happen. 

As you know from previous posts I was devastated the first time my hunter died in game and I felt equally devastated the first time someone left the guild. As a GM who cares about the people in the guild, the reputation of the guild and the success of the guild, I possibly feel the /gquits more than I "Should" 

Every morning when I log on I check the guild info for comings and goings. Because the first rule in GM'ing is that the guild is most at risk when you are offline.  

There isnt really anything as GM that you can do to avoid this, You cant stay online 24 hours a day and even if you have the most superb support crew in the way of officers, they arent you and things may or may not have been handled the way you may have done so. Small dramas may snowball when you arent there to manage them in your unique way and an absense of just a few days can result in an exodus if people are acting maliciously (Poaching members). Longer absences ( Holidays anyone?)  need to be planned well in advance with clear communication to all about how things will work whilst you are away if you want to avoid coming back to an empty roster.

 
I know that people don’t like confrontation and often those who sneak out the back door are trying to avoid perceived unpleasantness or feelings of guilt or worse: having to explain their actions. Even people you thought were friends in game may just disappear. Those ones probably hurt the most. People you thought were ingame friends just stealth off into the distance without a word, in effect ending what you thought was a friendship to make room for new ones without even a farewell party and good luck card.

As a GM it can be frustrating because some people will freely complain to their friends that they’re unhappy with something in the guild, but they won’t talk to the people who can do something about it. And if there are problems in guild how can I change anything if I dont know people are unhappy?

Sometimes when people decide to leave the guild because they think they can progress faster elsewhere, they may feel guilty for letting you down and No-one wants to feel bad about themselves, so they will sit there stewing about it for awhile like a trapped animal. During this time the slightest of things can turn into imagined slights and huge grudges, so that by the time they /GQuit they will be thinking about all the things you didn’t do for them, and not about everything you did do for them. Thus no guilt. Once you’ve seen it a few times you can spot the pattern - the raider whos attendance drops, the giver who stops giving, the person who seems to be distancing themselves from the people and things they use to enjoy inguild.

/GQuits tend to come in a couple of ways, there are those who:

1. discuss it with me prior to leaving and still go
2. rage quit
3.  sneak off in the dead of the night but send an ingame mail 
4. sneak off in the dead of the night saying nothing 
5. There are those who just disappear (usually as a result of a server transfer)
6. Discuss it with me and stay because the concern or issue has been resolved

I tend to have a standard formula for dealing with the various styles of /gquit.
  
Those who discuss it with me prior to leaving and still go
These people tend to get best wishes, a farewell party, respect and an open door return policy should it not work out in the greater World of Warcraft. This is because the grass can look greener on the otherside, people who love the guild may feel the need to spread their wings and try other things in the hope of ticking off some of the boxes they arent getting in your guild.  
I had this recently with a Priest. She asked to speak to me on vent and explained that there were some things ingame like Ulduar hardmode that she would like to get completed on her priest. She told me that she loved the guild and would like to leave her alts inguild and would really hate to leave but some friends were setting up a guild to focus on some of the things she wanted to achieve.

I could have responded in several ways -  
THE TANTY well fine piss off then and take all your alts with you HOW could YOU DO this to US??!  Slamming the door on her retreating self and giving her no reason to feel bad "The Gm's an arse".

THE GUILTER oh but we need you, if you leave we will never get to thats stuff and your leaving may make others leave, please please please dont do it *throw in a few tears and sniffles for effect* Chances are they will be guilted into staying for awhile then sneak off as per above and then you can post lots of things on the forum about how the person let you down

THE GM Thank them for coming to you to discuss it - it probably wasnt easy for them to do! Take onboard what it is they are saying in regards to what they are seeking that they arent getting in guild. DONT take it personally or make excuses. Look into ways your guild may be able to implement the missing bits. Treat them with respect, everyone plays the game for different reasons and a single guild may not be able to match everyones ingame wants. Leave the door open. The grass may not be greener and they may wish to return. They may tick those boxes and want to return in the future. If you dont burn bridges and retain friendships in game its a far happier outcome. And you never know when your paths will cross again. (The aforementioned priest did leave on her main. the alts remained in guild and she went off to spread her wings, both of us feeling happy and comfortable with the decision for her to do so. When she left she posted on the guild forums as to her reasons, other guildies didnt get nervous, we continued to include her on guild runs and when it didnt work out in the new guild she returned knowing that there were no hard feelings and we had back a valuable raid member PLUS I had a new outloook on some of the things we were overlooking. As a result of the conversation some of the things she was seeking are now included in our new raiding calendar)


Those who rage quit
In  these situations I put on my detective hat and interview the people who were privy to what went on, including the rage quitter. I hear what the various people have to say, reading between the lines a bit and meshing it all together to try and get a view of what really happened. Sometimes the rage quit was a good outcome and the person is likely to get a " well sorry it didnt work out and good luck for the future" sort of response :Even if the person going was a good thing, again I try to be respectful ( even if thankful) because you never know when your path will cross again. Murphys law says that todays arse is tomorrows leader. But sometimes the rage quit was as a result of blood rushing to the brain clouding the vision and the person typing /gquit because the blood in the brain prevents them being able to type CAT CAN I TALK TO YOU. Often a bit of a chat settles nerves and people return feeling a bit daft but with a better understanding of how the situation got out of control and how something little blew into a big thing.

Sidenote: You know everyone in game has IRL stuff they are dealing with too and sometimes something as simple as a crap day at work can lower peoples tolerance levels. In MTR I know of several guildies who are dealing with BIG things IRL. Its not my place to announce these issues to the greater guild, I wont betray the confidences of those who come to me by telling their business to other. Its my job to support the people who have the issues, manage the relationships in guild and remind people that we are all human beings and the best we can do is to strive to be good and decent human beings. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you!

It might also be a  fight or flight reaction. Some people dont like confrontation so they will gquit (Flight) because its a quicker and easier solution to the problem that dealing with the situation (Fight).. some also do Fight and then rage quit .. these are the snowballs that become bloody great avalanches. Person XXX is a F***Tard, how the hell you got ot 80 with that dumbarse belief is beyond me youre a noob - yea and youre a bitch.. no one likes you anyway and youre this and that and the other - probably the best place to see this sort of carry on is in tradechat.

Those who sneak off in the dead of the night but send an ingame mail
Obviously the response depends on the content of the ingame mail. But most of these people dont return to the guild. They have already cut the bond to the guild and no amount of ingame messaging is going to change that. They will be unavailable for a chat on vent and will tend to avoid you. If you continue to try you may well end up on the ignore list. Its probably not the best investment of your time and energies to find out why they really left. Pick yourself up, move on and focus on those in guild who do still require your energies. But again - stay polite!

Those who sneak off in the dead of the night saying nothing
I  know that those who leave and say nothing have done so because they just want to disappear. They dont want to feel guilt, they dont want to have to explain anything. They just want to disappear. Well not on my watch buddy. I send each and everyone of these an ingame mail. "I am sorry to see you have left More than Raids and hope there were no problems within the guild. I wish you well wherever your path may lead you and hope you find what you are looking for" or something to that affect.
Part of the reason for this is that I want people to know that I have noticed their departure, that they DID count. Sometimes people leave a guild because they think they are that guy stood in the corner at the party that noone is talking to, noticing or caring about. I might not get a chance to run with or talk to all of my guildies as often as I would like - being a GM is time consuming- but I DO notice them all.
And the other part of the reason? Well ok im not perfect - I want them to feel that twinge of guilt for sneaking off when they get my mail. It may be uncomfortable to say "Hey sorry not working for me,Im off" or "Hey Im going to go join my mates guild" but I dont think its appropriate for people to cop out of being a good bloke just because the relationships are in an online game. Life is full of uncomfortable stuff. If you are playing an online game with REAL people - youre going to have to deal with uncomfortable stuff there too. And to make the small effort of a slightly uncomfortable moment to say youre going is the mature and respectful thing to do.
Footnote: People who leave in this fashion are unlikely to return or be invited to return to the guild.


There are those who just disappear (usually as a result of a server transfer) 

What can you do - zip really.  move on reciting the Serenity prayer as you go

"Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I Cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And Wisdom to know the difference…. "

Having said that we did have a guy on server that all three of us (Myself, partner and kid) were very very fond of, we all still are actually- His server jumping was a complete surprise and kinda stung. We stalked him down to the server he had transferred to - set up a lowbie and harrassed him (Lovingly) about his departure. In this case it was the right thing to do - by doing so it helped alleviate any feelings of abandonment and gave an insight into why he left.


There are those who discuss it with me and stay because the concern or issue has been resolved
 Deal with the issue; this may be that something changes in guild, it may be that an individuals perception changes or it may just be a misunderstanding. Deal with it, hold no grudges, move on. These ones are the ones that often take the most time to manage. But investing some time into managing the mini-dramas NOW prevents them being big things, it can prevent gquits and rage quits and it can improve the harmony of the guild. Managed correctly most issues can be resolved respectfully with a good outcome for those involved.


And Finally
Lets not forget regardless of how well you recruit, interview, include and encourage people, manage relationships and dramas -  some people just DONT fit.


Don’t become a guild master if you want people to be thankful for your work in organizing their gaming experience – especially the people who move on. Do it because it satisfies your own needs and dont take it personally when people /gquit. - Unless youre an arse of course :P